As I watched the chaos unfold in front of me, I realized I had to go. I had to run. Run as far away as possible from all of this. Even Blair. So I did, I turned, and I ran as fast as I could.
“Heeeey!!! Wait up!!!” I heard from behind me. I stopped and turned toward Blair’s exhausted voice. I could feel the mascara stained tears caking on my cheeks and my bangs were wet with sweat. It felt like slow motion, waiting for Blair to approach my stance. I looked up searching for breath. The thick summer air was suffocating me like this town was. A huge oak tree hung over top of me partially blocking the black night. the oak was massive, and sturdy, and solid. Everything I was not but so desperately desired. The mighty oak amplified my weakness. When had I become so easily broken? I looked back towards Blair’s direction and she was surprisingly right in front of me waving her hands in my face. it was time to go. I let the words that separated us leave my mouth, and I knew it would be the end.
I was ready to live as if he had never existed. It was easy to let her walk away…the emotional numbness that had consumed my mind for months had officially suffocated my heart. I watched her walk away from me, knowing it would be the last time I would see her. Her pretty blonde hair danced in the wind. She was probably better off without me. I had nothing left to give to anyone.
That was the night the walls went up. I promised myself to never let anyone in again. I would never love or be loved again. And in return I would never hurt or be hurt. I would keep everyone at a playful distance, unable to break the barrier I had now placed between me and the rest of the world. I would never be broken again. I would never be vulnerable or cheated or fragile. My life would be my own and no one else’s.
Or so I thought.